forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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