when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
