glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
