My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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