Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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