I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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