I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
