I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
