So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
be right there i have to get my cape
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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