There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
