i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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