I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
