why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
