Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
