they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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