oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
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My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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