I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
