I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
