I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize