He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
