those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize