im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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