Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
