I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
