Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
