apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
