we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
