I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
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Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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