everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
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Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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