Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
