Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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