my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
