Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
