i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize