don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
