Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
