I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
