pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
