When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
