yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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