I wish my penis had an off switch
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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