You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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