You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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