Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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