is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
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