Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
