Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
