? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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