i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
