let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
