just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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