the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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