You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just had sex on a roof
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
