you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize