So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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