a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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