Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
