Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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