Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i wish my penis had a tongue
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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