I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
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How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
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I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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