another moral hangover. fuck.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
