i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
